Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
so much tequila, so little girl.
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