Are we in a gay sports bar?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
