he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
