Do you still have your period?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
