Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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