Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
