I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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