Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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