We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
