I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
