make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
