absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
