How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
