I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
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Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
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bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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