I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
