Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
birth control should be required to get into college
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cat food counts as protein by the way
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize