woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
