By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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