Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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