i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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