stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
