Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Randomize
