Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
