For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
someone owes me an orgasm
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
