Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize