if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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