i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
