My friends, they love my intelligence
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
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fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
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I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
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