I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
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