I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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