i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
