"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
