hotel room ftw
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
