Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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