I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
