You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Houston, we have a blender
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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