Your dad touched me again.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
