he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
