We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
