I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
