one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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