Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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