I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
