I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
