I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
