You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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