Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
