pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
