that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
