I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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