I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
