The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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