she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
