I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
try to milk me bitch
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