you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
