Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
