I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
