oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
