i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
