Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
