Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
