I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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