my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
