It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
