i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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