I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
50% drunk capacity currently
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
