The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
