Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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