We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
