I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
