ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
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My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
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Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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