Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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