Screwed.edu
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
