apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
