I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
