It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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